My favourite driving techniques

I just love these driving behaviours in others:

1. thinking the right hand lane has their name on it (in Australia we drive on the left side of the road) even though they are not even approaching the speed limit


2. the belief that everyone should drive 20kph over the speed limit


3. inability to find the accelerator until the instance someone tries to overtake, at which point accelerating up to the speed of light until the errant party gives up their futile attempt, after which normal sub-speed limit speed can be resumed


4. the belief that they are the only one on the road despite doing 40kph under the speed limit on a single lane road with an armada of cars behind


5. the dodgem car accelerator - sitting on the same speed regardless of speed limit - usually well under highway limit but way over suburban street limit


6. the early merger - you are not doing us any favours by merging early in those long merging lanes people - this just means people behind you end up merging in front of you eventually resulting in a log jam


7. the non-merger - how dare we try and enter your highway


8. I call certain traffic light start behaviour the ion driver after hypothetical ion drives that will continue to approach light speed but with extremely slow acceleration, taking millions of years to get to that point


9. the person who seems to think that sitting 1cm off your tail will make the ten cars in front of you go faster - or course that can be forgiven since obviously they are the only one in a hurry


10. those "baby on board" people who think it is your responsibility to drive safely not theirs

Now I risk being branded sexist but amongst my circle of friends I notice this behavioural difference between men and women. The guys I know generally like to accelerate fast but will coast to a gentle stop, being branded as hoons by their womenfolk for their green light antics. However, the chicks accelerate mildly at the green light then stop at every red light as if a dog has just run out in front of them, brake pedal flat to the floor with no room for contingency. This is, of course, much more safe and sensible behaviour.